Reflections

Dear Stranger,

This has been a crazy and weird past couple of weeks for me. I am at a point in my life that I always wished to never be at. Everything is falling apart, some things are perfect, others are stressful and others just don’t seem to be quite right. Sometimes I feel like it is about time I just gave up and moved on. Life is too hard to live by just being me. I am sure I am not making any sense at this point, right? Let me break it down for you to understand much more better what and how I feel right about now.

I think I have found the love of my life. Scratch that! I have found the love of my life. Thing is, my past is holding me back and I feel like it may ruin my budding relationship. I know everyone has a past and it never stays out of the way. This is not in relation to anything I did in my past though. It is about the fact that I have always been in control and now I am facing the idea of letting go completely.

I have always been wary of the word “Love”. Maybe it is because guys have always been in a haste to tell me they love me without even understanding the word or knowing me that well. Whoever told the male species that telling a girl you love her all too quickly secures the deal? Most often than not, it scares us away. I never really cared because I knew deep down I was not the type to settle down.

After all, most guys who seemed to be interested in me always let me have my way, thinking it would prove their love. It only made me bore of them real fast. Now I am facing a predicament I have never encountered before. I am at the point where I think my previous thoughts are all void and I just may be the type to fall in love. How to let doubts go whenever I hear the L word and believe that a guy I am in love with honestly and truly loves me back is hard. I am determined to get to the point where I hold nothing back though because he is worth it.

Why am I giving you a summary of an episode of my life? I have no idea why I just did. While writing this, I am not even sure if I will send it out or not. I think what I wanted was to connect to anyone out there who may be in a similar predicament as me, to figure out the right thing to do. While writing this, I have come to the conclusion as to what I have to do about my situation.

You may be a silent receiver of my letters day in and day out but you sure are helpful. It always helps to have something like this to help take me from point A to point B.

Thanks for listening,

MzYayraTay