Sex N Me

No not “Sex And Me”, “Sex In Me”, “Sex On Me” or any other variation or interpretation. It is more like a cocktail of all interpretations you can come up with.

Having conversations with my friends Ray and Maame is always unpredictable. Maame looks and acts conservative whereas Ray is one chick I can talk to about ANYTHING. She’s not like some Ghanaian friends I have who automatically label you a slut just because you spoke about sex or label you “too known” because you mentioned inflation rates.

So we are having lunch and Ray starts talking about some stuff on her mind….you know? Bouncing stuff off me….the same stuff on her mind. Maame instantly tenses up and stops talking. Initially I hardly noticed because I was riled up and talking to Ray about contraceptives and the free clinic [You get an idea of where our conversation had led].

Ray was the one who noticed Maame’s mood change and of course, she asked what was wrong. I gathered soon enough that Maame didn’t like how openly we were talking about sex. she’s one of “those girls”. You know what I mean! Those girls who have tried every sexual position they have heard of yet act like they are the Virgin Mary herself.

But quite frankly though, I am very taken aback at how confident a lot of Ghanaians seem to be in expressing their" “sexuality” recently. Like so many people man! And it’s real awkward when you just get introduced to someone and the first thing they want to talk about is sex. I just keep thinking in my head…. WTF!! Like seriously yo, when did that happen? I look at tweets, Facebook status updates and wall posts, LinkedIn, BBM, you name it! EVERYONE seems to want to talk about SEX, SEX, SEX.

It’s not as if many of the people claiming “they want to PUT” can even perform when you put them in a room with someone of the opposite sex. Chances are they’ll get shy and start small talk and do nothing intimate that first day.

The worst is when after all that talk, you hear of unplanned and unwanted pregnancies a few months down the line. Like we are in the 16th century or something! The SAME people you hear talking about being all “PRO” in the game are the ones who come crying to you and asking for solutions.

What I think? Don’t put yourself in the situation if you can’t handle it. A guy doesn’t suffer ANY of the consequences so a girl needs to be smart! Trapping a guy with pregnancy? That was 14th century ladies! Get smart! Get on the pill! Popping Postinor 2 or Plan B isn't safe! It messes with your system. Yet there are girls who pop ‘em on the daily. GET ON THE PILL!

If you can’t carry a baby full term and pop it out when it’s due, don’t get in my face about sex because you ain’t rated SHIT in my books!

Sex N Me? NO! Sex N You.

A Little Emotional

Dear Stranger,

I am up at 9. 48 pm EST because I cannot sleep. I have a couple of things on my mind and no one to talk to. Anyone I can unburden to, funny enough would be asleep by now because they are all on GMT. But I need to talk……… and I need to talk now. Yes, my letters seem to be very emotional but hey, I am a girl and I have a lot of pent up emotions in me. Don’t blame me. Don’t judge me. I am not special, I am just one of the female species (We like to think we are special though).

I was talking to a friend earlier today and a lot of things came up that bugged me to the point were it’s late and I still feel very much unsettled. We are always talking about how modern today’s age is and how we seem to know everything going on. I seem to have the mind of a 5 year old. I am always deviating from the point. Anyway, the point is that, my discussion today was about relationships.

I know, I know, I seem to always be talking about relationships. Some might even say I am obsessed with the idea of relationships but I think not. I do not think there is anything wrong with being very attached to the emotional part of you. It reminds us all that we are human and need to stop thinking too highly about ourselves but rather care about others. That is the truth though. And relationships are a good thing (despite my past ones). We make or break a relationship.

The debate, oddly enough was about something we all face at one point or another. Is sex during a relationship wrong or right? I mean, there are some hardcore Christians out there who will argue this point and convince you of how wrong it is (Don’t get me wrong, I am Christian myself). Being more spiritual than religious however, i try to keep an open mind. Funny thing is, this issue featured in 4 different conversations with 4 different people this weekend only. Why the coincidence I will never know, I guess!

But going with the religious train, sex before marriage is definitely wrong, right? It is fornicating whether you are committed to your partner or not. It is true it is hard to find true virgins out there so everyone settles for whoever they find whether virgin or non-virgin. The attitude of the new churches, for example non-denominational churches, towards virginity does not make it any easier. Why wouldn’t chastity be on the decline when there are categories for virgins. I found it absurd when I heard that a non-virgin who became a Christian becomes a virgin since he/she “becomes new in Christ”. That notion is simply preposterous.

This letter is going to make you wonder if I am a virgin who is using this as an outlet to let out pent up rage against non-virgins. That is not the issue and those who know me very well can attest to that. I am just very let down by the way society acts sometimes and this is one of those times. I understand the whole thing about chastity and fornication and adultery and all that. But sometimes you have to take into consideration the time and context the Bible was written in.

I am not condoning sexual acts of any kinds. Let’s keep an open mind. Take me for example. If I was in a committed relationship with someone and I know he is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, do I hold back from sex just because we are not married yet? That is a very difficult decision to make. Being female and viewed as helpless does not help issues either. What to do? What to do? And a lot of females face the dilemma portrayed in this scenario. This is the 21st Century and everywhere you look there are sexual innuendos. Take the media: television, radio, internet, newspapers, etc. They do not make things any easier.

Sometimes we, as a society, judge harshly without realizing the times we live in. Sometimes too, we condone certain things that we shouldn’t. This can go both ways and I know that. I have no idea why this was even on my mind. I had to write you about it though and now I have the clarity I needed. It is 10.48 pm EST and I now say goodnight.

Thanks for listening,

MzYayraTay