A Little Emotional

Dear Stranger,

I am up at 9. 48 pm EST because I cannot sleep. I have a couple of things on my mind and no one to talk to. Anyone I can unburden to, funny enough would be asleep by now because they are all on GMT. But I need to talk……… and I need to talk now. Yes, my letters seem to be very emotional but hey, I am a girl and I have a lot of pent up emotions in me. Don’t blame me. Don’t judge me. I am not special, I am just one of the female species (We like to think we are special though).

I was talking to a friend earlier today and a lot of things came up that bugged me to the point were it’s late and I still feel very much unsettled. We are always talking about how modern today’s age is and how we seem to know everything going on. I seem to have the mind of a 5 year old. I am always deviating from the point. Anyway, the point is that, my discussion today was about relationships.

I know, I know, I seem to always be talking about relationships. Some might even say I am obsessed with the idea of relationships but I think not. I do not think there is anything wrong with being very attached to the emotional part of you. It reminds us all that we are human and need to stop thinking too highly about ourselves but rather care about others. That is the truth though. And relationships are a good thing (despite my past ones). We make or break a relationship.

The debate, oddly enough was about something we all face at one point or another. Is sex during a relationship wrong or right? I mean, there are some hardcore Christians out there who will argue this point and convince you of how wrong it is (Don’t get me wrong, I am Christian myself). Being more spiritual than religious however, i try to keep an open mind. Funny thing is, this issue featured in 4 different conversations with 4 different people this weekend only. Why the coincidence I will never know, I guess!

But going with the religious train, sex before marriage is definitely wrong, right? It is fornicating whether you are committed to your partner or not. It is true it is hard to find true virgins out there so everyone settles for whoever they find whether virgin or non-virgin. The attitude of the new churches, for example non-denominational churches, towards virginity does not make it any easier. Why wouldn’t chastity be on the decline when there are categories for virgins. I found it absurd when I heard that a non-virgin who became a Christian becomes a virgin since he/she “becomes new in Christ”. That notion is simply preposterous.

This letter is going to make you wonder if I am a virgin who is using this as an outlet to let out pent up rage against non-virgins. That is not the issue and those who know me very well can attest to that. I am just very let down by the way society acts sometimes and this is one of those times. I understand the whole thing about chastity and fornication and adultery and all that. But sometimes you have to take into consideration the time and context the Bible was written in.

I am not condoning sexual acts of any kinds. Let’s keep an open mind. Take me for example. If I was in a committed relationship with someone and I know he is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with, do I hold back from sex just because we are not married yet? That is a very difficult decision to make. Being female and viewed as helpless does not help issues either. What to do? What to do? And a lot of females face the dilemma portrayed in this scenario. This is the 21st Century and everywhere you look there are sexual innuendos. Take the media: television, radio, internet, newspapers, etc. They do not make things any easier.

Sometimes we, as a society, judge harshly without realizing the times we live in. Sometimes too, we condone certain things that we shouldn’t. This can go both ways and I know that. I have no idea why this was even on my mind. I had to write you about it though and now I have the clarity I needed. It is 10.48 pm EST and I now say goodnight.

Thanks for listening,

MzYayraTay

STRANGE WORDS

Dear Stranger,

It has been a while but I am here again. You may think this is a trifling issue that I want to bring up, but quite to the  contrary, it means a lot to me. A little background beforehand though. I am in a school, that is located in a state, that has a lot of white supremacy communities. Luckily the one I find myself in is not as bad as some others. I realize the community members are making a conscious effort to open up to the idea of diversity around them (It’s not like they have a choice!).  Anyway, getting to my point! I have realized a lot of issues in direct relation and connection to RACISM!

I do not consider myself to be racist in the very least. I may occasionally say “white people”, “black people”, “Hispanics” or stereotype once in a while, but hey who does not? To convince you that I am very much not racist I will tell you this. I am in a predominantly white sorority with just three minorities (me inclusive). Over the past two semesters however, along with the increase in the minority population on campus came issues of racism and this is my personal reflection on the issue.

I come from a society where everybody is open, warm and hospitable. I am not going to be naive and say back home no one stereotypes. That would be an outright lie. Personally, I have been labeled all sorts of stereotypes. Some of them not quite pleasant but so what? (I seem to be deviating from my point.) The point is, my exposure to racism quite astounded me.

Considering the fact that the United States prides itself on its state of democracy and freedom even shows how much of a mockery the government can make of its own people. Now I know I should be politically correct but sometimes that kind of restraint and reason flies out of the window in the heat of a passionate outburst and this is one of those times. Am I really to believe that the government has no idea of all the white supremacy communities out there that make it hard for minorities to exercise their legal right of freedom of movement? I will take that as a NO because no one who is educated like I am will believe an ounce of that.

We, as a society; We, as a people; tend to put labels on each individual and categorize them neatly into cute little boxes. We feel safer that way. What is the use of educating the masses and encouraging freedom of expression when we are going to restrict and categorize them anyway? Funny thing is, we are being educated in that fashion in those communities. Take for example my college. It is no secret that some student feel intimidated by the minorities on campus. Every event held has poor attendance from the majority on campus. Participation in events that are not traditionally Caucasian become flops or border-line flops.

Why do so many students boycott the diversity organizations on campus? While a number of us are trying to put the awareness of diversity out there, others blatantly refuse to even keep an open mind to what we are about. We are labeled as the “International kids” or the “Black kids”. Can it ever be the “International club members”  or even the “Diversity club members”?

Is there a point at which the society will be willing to open up and learn from everyone unlike them instead of making us feel like outsiders? Because that is how I personally feel. I have gradually transformed from a social butterfly to a recluse, an anti-social person. I have been made uncomfortable to the point that my usual adventurous and adaptable self is dying to go back home…….To be with people who are open to getting to know each individual and accept them for themselves and also openly express emotionally how they feel about an individual.

I do not know if any of this makes any sense. But as usual, I needed to tell you what was on my mind and now I am done.

Thanks for listening,

MzYayraTay

THE ONE

Dear Stranger,
I do not mean to be overly emotional these past couple of days but a lot has happened that has showed me how much I have and what to appreciate. Yes, I am going down the overly dramatized road but do not blame me because I can't seem to help it.

I have met someone. Someone who makes my heart skip, race and pump fast all at the same time with just the sound of his voice. Someone who knows the right things to say and the right time and have me reeling. Someone who..... I can go on and on. I know I sound like a lovesick puppy but I do get that reaction just from being acquainted to him.

We all think we have met THE ONE every time we enter a new relationship. Call it cliché or whatever you would but it does happen. I have met a lot of people, and been loved by a lot more trust me. For whatever reason why I was loved I cannot tell. I have had the sense of being used, because of my social stature or physical looks (trust me, I am not a looker).
Anyway, (I didn't mean to digress) my dude is amazing no kidding! He makes me feel like I am finally where I belong. Don't get me wrong dude and I are not in an exclusive monogamous relationship or anything but he still is mine... At least I hope he is!
It is nice to hear someone say they love you and hear the raw emotion in their voice. To see his text first thing when you wake up and feel like everything is going to be okay and you can go through the day. Hear him say he misses you and automatically smile without even thinking twice. I feel loved. For the first time in a long time ( and by a long time I mean never..ever... Take that as you will ) I can honestly say it is not for my looks or social stature but rather because of my personality...my very own self. And I love him back no bars or nothing holding me back.

Love is a funny feeling. I swore after my last traumatic break up that I was done with relationships and that was it for me for at least a year or more. Who ever knew there was a dude coming along and not just that but also would end up stealing my heart and that of my baybay (that would be Adjoa Clarke in case you didn't know! ). Hurting him, or even upsetting him is not something I would consciously do ever. After finding this kind of happiness I do not think I would want to loose it.

And what is the deal with all these guys popping out of the woodwork just when I have found happiness..and true happiness at that? I do not understand that at all. Gosh, guys confuse me a lot. You never know what they want or when they have good intentions. I like emotions. I tell every dude from the very start..... I only deal with emotions else I will not believe or trust anything I am told. Do they listen? Nope! They never do! I am constantly being lied to and cheated on. Who told them that's what girls like? I am not attracted to bad boys at all! Sorry to burst your bubble boys I just am not!

I have rumbled on and on about this amazing guy! Is he worth it? I will say so. I would never have called myself an easy catch before today. He had me in just a few days and I am not even embarrassed about that fact because he is worth every single minute of my time spent with him. Talking, laughing, just staring at each other on the computer screen (yes, he lives far off), texting, etc. He is worth it all.

Thanks for listening,

MzYayraTay

F is for Family

Technorati Tags: Family,Friends,Twitter

Dear Stranger,
I recently met someone who makes me feel like being myself is not wrong at all. Well actually, I met a couple of people; but this person really stands out.
Thing is, I have made a new family. A group of people that I think care about me and will be there for me if I needed them. I do not mean to twist and turn your mind round and round. I am referring to my Twitter family.
Most people will question the choice of finding family on a social site. I do not care or mind any of them.I have very good friends on there and that is what counts.
Not to put anyone on the spot or on blast, I have found friends I can talk to about anything at all. Kobby Koomson is someone I feel comfortable talking to about anything on my mind. he is an amazing person. Getting to know him makes me realize a lot of things about me. For one of the very few times i can recall, I have someone I can be completely open with and that feels amazing.
The most wonderful person I have met so far, is Adjoa Clarke. She makes me feel like there is a reason to keep caring. It was scary at first; talking to someone and hearing the exact same words you would have uttered. I call her my “baybay”… my daughter….. my twin….. It is uncanny how similar we are. Adjoa makes me realize that there is a reason to still have a good heart and care deeply about people.
Not everyone in this world will let you down. And Adjoa and Kobby are not the only ones I have grown to care for, there are a couple more. take for instance Astrid, Ashiorkor, Joey, Kwame, Bismark, Natty, just to name a few. I found acceptance. Acceptance by a group of people as the person I really am with no qualms. Acceptance to be myself with no one trying to change me to fit their own description. Acceptance to be myself and be totally real without having to watch my words or actions and still be called “adorable” and “cute”.
Now who said you cannot find family on a social networking site? That person was certainly very wrong. If you ask me for a category of I people I would most likely mention names from twitter first! Who can I count on? Easy: Adjoa, Natty, Kobby… Who can I talk to? Kobby, Adjoa. Need I say more?
It’s funny how the people I am with on a day-to-day basis do not hold a torch in comparison to these folks. But then again that is one of the advantages of a social networking site…. The people who choose to be around you are the people who can stand the real you.
I have definitely realized one thing, like Lil’ Wayne said, “the F is for Family” and I am glad I found mine.

Thanks for listening,

MzYayraTay

WHO TO CALL FAMILY

Dear Stranger,

Have you ever wondered about relationships? Okay so for example, a woman who is engaged is called a fiancée, one who is married is a wife, and one whose husband dies is a widow. Have you ever wondered what one whose fiancé dies is called? See! I thought so! Nothing!! Why is there no name in the English Language for that? I have no idea where this is coming from. Oh! Wait a minute! I do!!

What is the deal with undisclosed relationship ties? What do you call your brother-in-law's wife? Or your sister-in-law's husband? What about you mother-in-law's brother-in-law? Is your father-in-law's brother and uncle-in-law? Gosh! If only relationships were specified! The same can be said of informal relationships.

 

Are you allowed to call a friend who has been best buds with you for how-so-ever years a sister? Or does your best friend who you will practically cut off a hand for qualify as a candidate for sisterhood? The lines that describe and define relationships are very faint and not easily understood.

How are you supposed to react when people take advantage of your friendship with them just because of your huge heart? Surely, friendship is also a kind of relationship right? Is the relationship worth it when the people you call family can’t give anything up for you? Is it really? I leave that to you for an answer stranger.